Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Have I Found Jesus Yet?

More and more I become annoyed by people who keep asking me if I have found Jesus yet, as if he has been lost. Are their lives so boring and base that the only way they can spice things up is by advertising that boredom to people who might actually answer that stupid question in the and show any interest? I want to know who told them that they have to go out and annoy the hell out of people? Oh, excuse me, lest I forget, I must mention the righteous intent of those who attempt to save me by asking that idiotic question. Righteous intent, or is it idiotic fear of damnation resulting from brainwashing due to an empty life and a low IQ? Who the hell would stop living life to its full potential by accepting the faith of evangelists? The problem is they are not the only one who resort to shameful - and yes, sinful - tactics. Let me tell you my story:

On a hot Texas day in Fort Worth I was approached by a man who asked me if I had found Jesus? I told him no. He said that I was going to hell since I did not know Jesus. "Prey thee, my good man," replied I, "how is it that I would be going to Hell when I seek forgiveness for my wrongs, value decency, and generally try to be good? Does that not count for something?" To which he replied that even so I would still be going to Hell. So I told him that I would meet him in Hell just as well for threatening me and striking "fear" in my heart, and that the lost Lord he was evangelising for was a false Lord. With that I bid him adieu and walked away, as he stood dumbfounded for he saw the error of his ways. Therefore I say Live and Let Live.

But another story begs a mention. On another hot Texas day a representative of the First Baptist church approached me. He looked at me with some deep eyes, mouth ear to ear, and said "Can I offer you some FREE water, sir?" Since he emphasized the word FREE, I said "There is no such thing as Free any more, but since you are offering, I'll take that cup. Thank you." So I took the cup, and no sooner did I attempt to raise it to my lips when he asked me "Do you have Jesus in your heart brother?" The jig was up. I returned the cup to him untouched, told him he had committed a sin by using false pretenses to lure me to listen to his message, and therefore his church would be unsuitable to me.

So there is always a catch. Religion is just like any business out there. That one time that you show interest because you may find comfort, it sucks you right in. So good luck to all you fools out there, but you are looking for eternity in the wrong place. If the eternity they advertise to me is a reflection of their action, then I don't want it. I'll go to Hell; at the very least I know what to expect from those folks.


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